Registered
I’m at a weird spot in my life, I thought I wanted to settle down and be someone’s house wife and stay at home mom the last few years. Recently had a break up, ended on very good terms, but I can’t go back to him because I rlly need to work on myself. I’m working a job I do not care about( for reference I’m a cook at a nursing home) and I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I’ve been a job hopper for years but this one is my second longest, over half a year and my longest being 2 years total even tho it was on and off.
I wanna learn independence, the breakup I was talking about was a relationship that lasted 3 years and I was in a relationship prior to that one that was mainly online/long distance that was 6. As you can see idk how to be alone. I don’t know who I am or what I can do when I’m not tied down to someone else. I love my family but tbh my relationship with everyone is unstable. I do have bpd but I am not diagnosed, went to a psychiatrist on and off for 7 years (whenever shit hit the roof and I was desperate for help) and he never gave me one. Struggling with mental illness for basically my whole life, I had a therapist in 5th grade, hdhd as a child, admitted to a mental hospital in 9th grade for attempting. Went to another one a couple years ago where I admitted myself. Not trauma dumping just feel like this is info someone may need to consider if joining would be good/bad for me. I honestly much rather go than not go.
I don’t rlly care about much rn but I wanna learn discipline. I was a very rebellious teenager and I’ve never liked authority. But I want to change that. I’m seeing all my defaults that I used to see as little specks but now it’s like a giant plank In my eyeballs and I can’t deal with myself any longer. (Yes Bible reference)
Im not entirely lazy. I used to be 300 pounds but I’m 155 now and I don’t mind physical labor or activity. I just don’t know how to push myself unless I’m trying to rank up somewhere so I feel like the army/military will help me more.
I’ve never been away from home, except once when I went to work and live with my dad. I’ve never done anything on my own. I want to experience that. I wanna figure out who I am and what I’m capable of. I wanna be away from ppl that I love and come back as a different person someone they can be proud of. Most of all I wanna be proud of myself.
My step dad is a vet he was in the marines and he’s one of the best ppl I know. He’s been through a lot and has still managed to be strong and a genuine person. I’m going to talk about it with him bc i had before when I was a little younger and he encouraged it but idk about my mom and she’s gonna say I won’t make it.
Basically what I’m trying to say is I wanna do something now they may help me out in the future. I know it’s not gonna be rainbows and sunshine ik it’s gonna be hard but I think it’s the hard I need, I need to grow up and grow some tough skin. But mostly I want something new and this just seems like the way to go I have nothing tying me down anymore. I want something that takes up a lot of time so I can stay busy instead of everything I’m doing and having so much free time to overthink my entire life.
Surprisingly never gotten pregnant so no kids and no significant other, tattoos that aren’t visible that I didn’t even rlly think of the placement, lost significant amount of weight and best shape I’ve been in, ready to work on myself and do better, been a Christian for a little over a year now…kinda feel like gods been preparing me for this but idk I could be delusional.
Let me know what you think, honesty and constructive criticism is appreciated in a decision like this. Thank you.
submitted by /u/Organic-Jello-7111
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I wanna learn independence, the breakup I was talking about was a relationship that lasted 3 years and I was in a relationship prior to that one that was mainly online/long distance that was 6. As you can see idk how to be alone. I don’t know who I am or what I can do when I’m not tied down to someone else. I love my family but tbh my relationship with everyone is unstable. I do have bpd but I am not diagnosed, went to a psychiatrist on and off for 7 years (whenever shit hit the roof and I was desperate for help) and he never gave me one. Struggling with mental illness for basically my whole life, I had a therapist in 5th grade, hdhd as a child, admitted to a mental hospital in 9th grade for attempting. Went to another one a couple years ago where I admitted myself. Not trauma dumping just feel like this is info someone may need to consider if joining would be good/bad for me. I honestly much rather go than not go.
I don’t rlly care about much rn but I wanna learn discipline. I was a very rebellious teenager and I’ve never liked authority. But I want to change that. I’m seeing all my defaults that I used to see as little specks but now it’s like a giant plank In my eyeballs and I can’t deal with myself any longer. (Yes Bible reference)
Im not entirely lazy. I used to be 300 pounds but I’m 155 now and I don’t mind physical labor or activity. I just don’t know how to push myself unless I’m trying to rank up somewhere so I feel like the army/military will help me more.
I’ve never been away from home, except once when I went to work and live with my dad. I’ve never done anything on my own. I want to experience that. I wanna figure out who I am and what I’m capable of. I wanna be away from ppl that I love and come back as a different person someone they can be proud of. Most of all I wanna be proud of myself.
My step dad is a vet he was in the marines and he’s one of the best ppl I know. He’s been through a lot and has still managed to be strong and a genuine person. I’m going to talk about it with him bc i had before when I was a little younger and he encouraged it but idk about my mom and she’s gonna say I won’t make it.
Basically what I’m trying to say is I wanna do something now they may help me out in the future. I know it’s not gonna be rainbows and sunshine ik it’s gonna be hard but I think it’s the hard I need, I need to grow up and grow some tough skin. But mostly I want something new and this just seems like the way to go I have nothing tying me down anymore. I want something that takes up a lot of time so I can stay busy instead of everything I’m doing and having so much free time to overthink my entire life.
Surprisingly never gotten pregnant so no kids and no significant other, tattoos that aren’t visible that I didn’t even rlly think of the placement, lost significant amount of weight and best shape I’ve been in, ready to work on myself and do better, been a Christian for a little over a year now…kinda feel like gods been preparing me for this but idk I could be delusional.
Let me know what you think, honesty and constructive criticism is appreciated in a decision like this. Thank you.
submitted by /u/Organic-Jello-7111
[link] [comments]
Continue reading...
